Unsatisfied and a bit used
Nursing a hangover in an empty room
I think about the words I wasted on you
Potentials now lost, the adventures we’ll never share
Each appearing as invisible tangible as the air
In a dirty Red Sox cap,
Rediscovering cribbage with my Dad at the Lake House
(Although he rags on you for being a Canuck)
Your smiling face
Looks at me from an empty picture frame.
Farther down the wall is the collage from
Our non-existent road trip, the time I didn’t meet
Your family, (your mother loved me, by the way)
Our uncelebrated anniversaries, undefined magic moments,
Next to ticket stubs of the visits you won’t pay,
As the silent soundtrack of CDs I never made plays.
The table in front of me is cluttered
With drafts of poems
I’ll never write as you sleep.
My cupboards are full of meals
We’ll never make and eat together.
My head is brimming with answers
To all the questions you never asked,
As my secrets stay hidden behind all the things
You love about me but haven’t
These are the last words I have for you
no longer will you haunt my sentences
hiding in the spaces between the letters
or sneaking into the dots of my Is.
As I clean out this room of potential,
I think of the reality.
I think about what you didn’t give me.
I think about what you weren’t.
It’s silly at best,
There were things that you said,
Ways you moved, pieces falling into a puzzle that
All seemed to fit (despite my logic).
But I guess the finished product
Looked nothing like the box.
But, it was only potential, after all.
Does that count as a loss?