Unsatisfied and a bit used
Nursing a hangover in an empty room
I think about the words I wasted on you
Potentials now lost, the adventures we’ll never share
Each appearing as invisible and tangible as the air
Your smiling face, in a dirty Red Sox cap
Rediscovering cribbage with my Dad, at the Lake House
Although he rags on you for being a Canuck,
And I laugh on the hammock
Looks at me from an empty picture frame.
Farther down the wall is the collage from
Our non-existent road trip, the time I didn’t meet
Your family (your mother loved me, by the way)
Our uncelebrated anniversaries, undefined magic moments
Next to the ticket stubs of the visits you won’t make
As the silent soundtrack of the CDs I never made plays.
The table in front of me is cluttered
With drafts of poems
I’ll never write as you sleep.
My cupboards are full of meals
We’ll never make and eat together.
My head is brimming with answers
To questions you never asked
As my secrets stay hidden behind all the things
You love about me but haven’t
Looking at these things,
I’m not angry.
And while I may
Mourn for unmade memories,
I feel mostly sorry for your ignorance.
That you gave up these things without a glance
For a few laughs, an easy lay, the character you play
And you play him well. Hell, I fell for it.
I gave you my heart, my body, my art
And you took it all without a return.
So as I clean out this room of potential
I take the 3 things you gave me,
The lessons you taught me:
You can’t share with someone who’s selfish,
You can’t make love to someone who fucks you;
You shouldn’t love someone who turns poetry into a trophy.
These are the last words I have for you,
No longer will you haunt my sentences
Hiding between the letters and sneaking into
The dots of my Is.
But let me close with this, with no deceit or motive,
Not even a play on words or decent rhyme,
just blatant honesty.
The night that we met, for the first time in my life,
As you walked away, I thought
I’m going to marry that man.
And while it’s silly at best.
There were things that you said,
Ways you moved, pieces falling into a puzzle that
All seemed to fit (despite my logic)
But I guess the finished product
Looked nothing like the box.
But, it was only potential, after all.
does that count as a loss?