Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My Agrument for Phil 334

If pirates are better than ninjas then they will meet more of the criteria for awesomeness than ninjas.

Some definitions:
Pirate - One who commits piracy by engaging in robbery, pillaging, or plundering at sea.
Ninja -A spy and/or assassin in feudal Japan.
Cool – Adjective meaning excellent; first-rate.
Awesomeness – Noun meaning the quality of being very impressive.

P1- Ships equipped with cannons are cool.
A. Ninjas do not have ships equipped with cannons.
B. Pirates do have ships equipped with cannons.
C. Ships equipped with cannons are part of the criteria for awesomeness.

P2- Kitana swords are cool.
A. Ninjas have kitana swords.
B. Pirates do not have kitana swords.
C. Kitana swords are part of the criteria for awesomeness.

P3- The absence of a moral code is cool.
A. Ninjas must adhere to a strict moral code detailed by their feudal lord.
B. Pirates do not have to adhere to a moral code.
C. The absence of a moral code is part of the criteria for awesomeness.

P4- Autonomy is cool.
A.Ninjas are not autonomous. They are employed by their feudal lords.
B.Pirate crews are autonomous. They are sworn only loosely to their captains.
C.Autonomy is part of the criteria for awesomeness.

P5- Being a profession that has been personified by Johnny Depp is cool.
A.Ninjas have not been personified by Johnny Depp.
B.Pirates have been personified by Johnny Depp.
C.Being a profession that has been personified by Johnny Depp is part of the criteria for awesomeness.

P6- The ability to be stealthy is cool.
A.Ninjas have the ability to be stealthy.
B.Pirates do not usually have the ability to be stealthy.
C.The ability to be stealthy is part of the criteria for awesomeness.

Pirates meet four requirements of the criteria for awesomeness. Ninjas meet two requirement of the criteria for awesomeness. Four is more than two so pirates are better than ninjas.

5 comments:

Blackfish said...

I REALLY hope this is your actual paper.

It's "katana", actually.

Also, you may be ignoring some key criteria for awesomeness:

-Preventing Global Warming, as per http://www.venganza.org/about/open-letter/
-Totally flipping out and killing everything: Ninjas do, pirates rarely act in such an uncontrolled fashion
-Issues of autonomy are mitigated in some circumstances: Modern-day ninjas, especially of the American breed, do not typically owe fealty to anyone. Privateers, however, are a subset of pirates that are nominally subject to royal decree.
-Black is in this year. Pirates? Much too colorful, even Blackbeard.
-Please discuss the various merits or hindrances of infamy. Pirates have it, stealthy ninjas don't.
-Ninjas are mammals!

Poke said...

1) you are correct, Pirates own.

2) ninjas != samurai.
Ninjas didn't carry katana nor did they serve feudal lords. the ninja began as a form of guerrilla fighter against feudal lords using ambush tactics and unconventional weaponry... Scythes (Kama), anything sharp they could throw (Shuriken), etc.


3) Pete's a n00b

JavaBomberman said...

I agree with point three of poke's analysis. Very in depth.

Also, another key point in awesomeness:

Having your own rap song sung by Vanilla Ice.
-Ninjas have it.
-Pirates do not.
Ninjas are therefore awesome in this case.

I end my argument with this:

GO NINJA GO NINJA GO

(master splinter owns you.)

Blackfish said...

However, a counterpoint:

1) Not a n00b, fuck you guys.

2) Pirating music is awesome. Ninja-ing loot is bad. The verb connotations speak for themselves.

Poke said...

also, Pirate music is awesome. Dirges fkn rule, and who doesn't love to be accompanied by a concertina?