Thursday, October 12, 2006

Based on a true story

"Amende Honorable"

Horses braying smoke streaming
steaming smoke out of their nostrils
chains are clanging crying hostile
rusty metal red shining
groans out in the black dark evening

One beast bound to each leg, each arm
whips cracking and lashing skin
torn from the bone the breast lay open
sulfuric lead boiled buried within
the torn flesh bleeds and in subtle alarm

Demains raises his bloodied head
have you anything to say
his eyes take in the gore but never look away
No sir, he determined said
No sir, quietly defiant.

The horses strain and pull the chains
muscles gleam with blood and dust
mud browns and dulls what the king cursed
Demains the regicide remains
add two horses and maim again

Have you anything to say
No sir, he determined replied
Nothing escaped his red lips
as they sawed his limbs away
and he bloodied and unbroken died.


Spudler said...

Hm. Gruesome. But enjoyable.

Keep writing!

Blackfish said...

Yep, I knew I'd like it even more when I could mull over it in TEXT FORM! Though the readings I get are nice. Well done!

cobaltgrc said...


write a zombie poem next!

Blackfish said...

I really like this one...the meter and rhyming are especially impressive as neither of them seem contrived, which is doubly impressive for the rhyming (though is it different in the 2nd stanza?). There's also a goodly amount of alliteration (was that deliberate?) that really brings out the meter, or maybe the meter emphasizes the alliteration. Either way, it really adds to the flow, and to the rhythm of the scene you're painting.

The bit surrounding "subtle alarm" is particularly beautiful, those two words just contribute a lot to Demains' character. The one part I'm not a fan of is the first two lines, I think that streaming steaming would be great coupled together, if they weren't flanked on both sides by "smoke". It just reads as a little repetetive, though for all I know that's exactly what you were going for. Maybe a little different wording there would help the beginning.

But as I said, I love it!